No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
