before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
