Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
