the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
