I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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