Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
