Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
