I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
