when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
