she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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