What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
