Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
