I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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