Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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