Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
