just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
