I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
