he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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