I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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