Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
