the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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