It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
