Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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