Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
