sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
