hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
