Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
