Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
