I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
