I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That accounts for only three of the penises
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
