You're my little dorito
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
