a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
