okay pat passed out under dana's car
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
