wrigley field is MILF paradise
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We have so much sex to catch up on
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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