Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
