I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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