They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
