jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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