dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
