He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
