You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
