I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
