I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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