You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
