Only a mothe r could love this liver
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
