Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
