I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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