I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
