1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We have so much sex to catch up on
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
