we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
