I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
