Screwed.edu
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
